Let it be done

First off, my apologies for the amount of typos and missing words here and there in my last blog. I believe I had four beers down at that point. Fair warning, I am drinking again, alone.

I did go and see fireworks, but by myself. And so I drank, hoping the alcohol would soak up my depression for the evening, from having no one to watch the fireworks with. I really wished I could have been with Randee for this holiday. Can you tell that I really miss her?

I was listening to Carrie Underwood's latest cd and it took me nine tracks to realize that three of them made me think of Timothy:

Just a dream: Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go?/I was countin on forever, now I'll never know/I can't even breathe/It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background/everybody's sayin, "he's not comin home now"/this can't be happening to me, this is just a dream

I know you won't: You say you'll call, but I know you/You say you're comin home, but I know you/you say you'll call but I know you won't/I wish you were where you're supposed to be, close to me/but here I am just staring at this candle buring out, still no sound;footsteps on my stairs, your voice anywhere

You won't find this: There's once in a lifetime, and there's once in a while/and the difference between the two is about a million miles/you might get lucky while the moon is looking up/but in the truth of the morning the stars will be long gone/you can hold any girl that you like, fall in love when it's easy at night/but you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better/when you're lost and run out of road, follow what I already know/in the end closer is all there is, but you won't find this

Or then there's the one by Leona Lewis called Better in time: It's been the longest winter without you/I didn't know where to turn to/see somehow I can't forget you/after all that we have been through/going, coming, thought I heard a knock/who's there, no one/thinking I deserve it/now I realize I didn't, no/if you didn't notice, you mean everything/quickly I'm learnin to love again/all I know is I'mma be okay/thought I couldn't live without you/it's gonna hurt when it heals, too/it'll all get better in time/and even though I really love you/I'm gonna smile cuz I deserve to/it'll all get better in time/I couldn't turn on the tv/without something that would remind me/was it all that easy/to just put aside your feelings?/if I'm dreamin, don't wanna laugh/hurt my feelings, but that's the path I believe in/and I know that time will heal it/if you didn't notice boy you mean everything/since there's no more you and me/it's time I let you go so I can be free/and live my life how it should be/no matte how hard it is I'll be fine without you

(and as much as I want to believe those lyrics, I'm not there yet)

And one more excerpt of lyrics from Toby Lightman's, My sweet song: My sweet song/It's been a long time/What'd you come around here for/Cause that old love is gone/And I've since carried on/Thought I was rid of you for sure/Oh my sweet song, you don't sound so sweet no more/Please don't sing to me/Cause it hurts me to hear the melody that was/Good to me before/Oh my sweet song, you don't sound so sweet no more/Oh you said love was forever and you told me/love would never/Break my heart, and I believed you as I fell/That's all over, let it go,/You're just a song I used to know/And your fantasy, it don't work for me/Go and pick on someone else/My sweet song/Guess I'm stuck with you/And someday, I'll find the love I'm looking for/Then my sweet, sweet song won't sound so sad no more/My sweet, sweet song, I'll guess I'll always be yours

Ugh. I hate holidays. Good riddance.