Yup. That's me. And wy do I have to fall for someone who is in jail for credit card fraud? Why is that not making me turn away, as a victim of the very same crime? Why do I like him so much? Why do I feel like a happy go lucky child when I talk to him and why do I all of a sudden feel like I want him to know everything about me, tell him everything, when it comes to him....when with anyone else I'm more guarded? What is it that makes me feel safe and loved, understood and unjudged? WHY WHY WHY?! It makes absolutely no sense but it works and I am reluctant, and running into his unfamiliar open arms at the same time. What to do other than be extremely careful?!
Cleaned out my car today...we also went to Janesville for party decorations and food. I really hope people show up. I can't get ahold of half of the people who were supposed to help and bring stuff. It's a lot of pressure to get everything done when you are planning a surprise party on your own because your siblings want nothing to do with it other than to show up and get fat off of brats and burgers. When I'm on overtime and have hardly enough time to sleep eat AND work, it's hard to plan a party, too, on my own. Get the cake...find someone to refridgerate it so dad doesn't suspect anyting. Hide the supplies like candles and Over the Hill decorations...steal dad's staple gun so I can hang decorations and post signs......buy balloons in his presence without him asking why...and then tell him he can't work tonight because we said so...turns out he is working anyway but I gave him no choise but to show up to the cookout with Uncle Kerry. That's our excuse. It isn't a lie...it's just a lot bigger than just us and Uncle Kerry. With decorations...and an alternative purpose than just a last hoorah for the summer.
I'm so busy organizing the party I'm not taking care of myself well. Too often lately, have I gotten gittery before I ate some food....and too often have I cut my sleep off at 3 or 4 hours so I can get everything done. I want to collapse. I can't keep up at this pace for much longer before I do some real damage to myself. I hope it all pays off.
Off to walmart for more party stuff. Talk to you all soon and thanks for reading!
1 comment:
Just don't leave your purse unattended in his presence. Period. It's harsh, but he's made choices that merit such choices on your part. You deserve better!
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