Just me and Capri

And she is quite the spaz. Of course, being a nocturnal critter, she runs around knockin shit over, chasing and biting at my feet, trying to eat my fish, and basically cause an uproar, right when I am trying to go to bed. When she's in that phase, the slightest movement I make, gets her to chase whatever it is that I moved. If I move my toe under the covers, she's trying to rip through the comforter to get to my toe. If I move my knee she tackles it. If I move the pen in which I play Sudoku with, she tries taking it away from me, making it difficult to write with. If I roll over she jumps on me. If I move the sheets she is diving at them, if I move my hand anywhere near her she is wrapping her claws around it and biting. Not very hard, but her teeth are still really really sharp and it hurts! I really hope I can afford to declaw her before I move into the apartment because my new bedsheets for my ginormo bed have a Sateen fabric on them. I can't exactly keep her confined to just my huge closet, or just the bathroom, it's her going to be her home, too! Maybe just until I get her declawed, I'll have to keep her out of the bedroom. Otherwise I just won't put on the new bedding until she's taken care of. She's mah lil buddy :) I love everything about her. Even when I'm frustrated with her nighttime energy, it's just in her nature, and she's so adorable doing it that I just have to chuckle...quietly, as everyone else is already snoozing. I feel so bad when I leave my room because she cries and cries for the longest time. And I don't want to do overtime because it means she's alone for that much longer until someone gets home. Not to mention that is more time I spend with my boss...that I'd rather be spending with a more enjoyable creature....Speaking of...my boss is a complete moron, unfit to be in his supervisory position. Inadequate, and just totally unable to handle the pressure and the responsibilities and hours that go with the title. He complains about the hours and whatnot...whatever. He's a dumb fuck.

Anywho...I'm hoping I'll find someone to share my first bottle of wine with at Christmas time! Ahem ahem....Cat...I don't know if it will be any good thought, I don't exactly know what it is. I won it...it's a white wine. Wollersheim Winery...Prairie Fume (w/ accent over that last "e")...2006 American Seyval Semi-Dry Wine...says its best if consumed within two years of make date. Anyway...I can't just have a bottle of wine and not drink it! Sheesh. Even if it is shitty. Whatever. I'm going to bed....Capri has settled down for a few minutes. Gosh I sound like I have a newborn or something. Haha. Once you meet her, you'll love her too.

My Bella

I've been blogging not so much lately...but of the blogs from last month, my faithful reader (notice that wasn't plural), that I am moving out next month! So thrilled....what's better is that I already got one of my kitties! Tomorrow I'm picking up the other one, but as of right now, Bella, who might turn into more of a Capri, is perched on my shoulder! Her favorite spot it seems, like a parot! Only she doesn't talk. She purrs an awful lot, though.

Leanne found me some kitties. Literally found them...at work at the lumber yard. Three itty bitty kitties all bundled up together in a ball in the snow. I promise to post pictures soon, maybe after I get the other kitty. I'm taking two of the kitties and the third either has a home with the friend of a drug rep from mom's work, a coworker of mine, or it may very well just stay where it is right now...at the house of a coworker of Leanne's. *shit she just fell asleep on my shoulder* Harold took the two home he could chase down in the Special Order room on Tuesday, and Leanne found the third before heading home last night and Bella stayed with her for a night. She brought her into work again in a box with holes in it and I picked her up today. I have me a baby to take care of :) I swear the only thing that would make me happier right now would be sitting at the condo all moved in and everything. Unfortunately that won't be for another couple of weeks, but I can deal with that. Bella/Capri is so adorable. She's a calico (however the hell you spell it) kitty, looks about just over a month old. Kind of strange for non-cat people to "get" but my heart is melting at this very moment. She fell asleep on my shoulder with her head nuzzled into my neck and her little eyes closed. Louie wants to devour her but that's because Louie is a dog, not to mention one that happens to be a dumbass and a total LOSER. Fuckin dog, every day, has the bathroom garbage torn apart all over the floor. It's pretty nasty because since there are girls in the house and either mom or Annie are almost always on the rag...there's some nasty shit in there he tears apart that we have to clean up. Not to mention he sleeps on the couch when he knows he's not supposed to. The second I open my door in the morning I hear he jump off the couch real fast so he doesn't get caught and punished. I did catch him one time and he's learned I won't put up with it. Mom and dad don't believe me, that he sleeps on the couch, but who the fuck cares? Not me, I'm out in a couple weeks! Joy to the world! *Hallelujah Chorus playing in the background*

Anyway, I'll post pictures soon and maybe see what you think. Is she a Bella or a Capri?! I keep calling her Bella because I didn't come up with Capri until I was at work tonight, but we will see I suppose. I may post again tomorrow. Stay tuned faithful reader! Haha.

One more quick shout out....congrats on the 130 Cat! You're probably doing way better than you think. I love you, and I miss you, and I hope to see you really soon!

My list

Top 10 people/furry things that make me smile on sight: (in no particular order)

1. Leanne - no matter how often I see her, sometimes three times a week, she is always so freakin happy to see me and smiles when I walk in, and so naturally that makes me feel wonderful inside and I smile, too. I can't help but smile when I see her. Plus, she sometimes says I love you first, and I'm not used to that. It's nice!

2. Zoey - She runs around like crazy, curls up in a ball, walks figure 8's around my legs when I'm putting my face on in the morning, sits in my lap while I'm at the computer, spreads out on her back so I can rub her soft belly, has her own unique meow that is more like a squeal, tries eating my pizza crust, sleeps on my chest when I want to turn over, and once in a while will jump out from a doorway as I walk by to wrap her front paws around my leg, take a tiny nibble, and run away like hell...but no matter what she's doing, she makes me smile whenever I see her, because I love her so incredibly much.

3. Cat - I don't get to see her often but when I do it's like we just saw each other last week at the market or something. And she gives my favorite kind of hugs, that really aren't hugs at all I suppose, more like embraces. I feel safe, and loved, appreciated, cared for, thankful for, honored, and completely happy when I'm in her arms. She has a goofy sense of humor, insight/advice that I'd pay good money for, a great talent for making beautiful and delicious breads, and I can comfortably talk to her without any awkward silences...she's just amazing, and she is whatever I need her to be, when I need her to be it, and seemingly the voice in my head. I'm so lucky to have her, so blessed. I smile instantly when I see her because she makes me feel good and I can't help it.

4. Alina - She is Stephanie's daughter. She's adorable, and into everything, and hilarious...spastic, and she'll run up to you and start talking rubbish a mile a minute, having a serious conversation with you, and you have no clue what the heck she's saying. It's pretty cool. She likes you to make farm animal noises when she hands you one of her plastic toys...cows go moo, lions (don't know why those came with her farm set) go raaar......she says HI really enthusiastically when you walk in...thinks she's going with you when you have to go, and sometimes refuses to say bye.....and if you look really good on a certain day, you'll know it when you walk in and she goes "oooo wooooow!" Adorable. I love the way she runs up and hugs my legs when I visit, and how she calls me Aunt Corinne. She doesn't have any aunts so I love that I can be that for her when she knows what that kind of relationship means.

5. Beth - I don't even know what to say. I see her once every DECADE...ok so it used to be once a year, then once every other year...but this time it's been closer to four years. I see her so seldom, and I love her so dearly that when I see her I never know if it will be the last because she is so ill, and when I see her I have so much to say but on sight all I can seem to muster is "hi" before she pulls me into her arms for five years worth of hugs jammed into five minutes.

6. Maria - SO much to say here. She's my mentor, the mother-in-law type of my dreams, a confidant...the one person I feel comfortable playing in front of, and the one person I can sing in front of. I mean really sing, just let go, shed all the curtains, just do my thing. For some reason she is the only person I can do that with, and so no one else has ever heard what I can do, besides myself. She calls me her daughter, tells me she never had one but I'm what she wishes her hypothetical daughter would have been. She tells me to call her mom sometimes and it's kind of awkward when her son is around *my used-to-be-sort-of-still-is crush* She loves to exploit my flute playing and loves finding little duets I can do with her at church. I live for the days we meet to work on music and it's so flattering because she can't get over how little practice I need in comparison to everyone else. I stay with the choir, despite feeling that I can't make a difference, that the choir is hopeless, because Maria tells me she needs me...and when I truly believe that, and realize that I am a leader in the choir, I feel like I am home there. I go to church every week to see her, to hear her. Her singing, the emotion you can hear in her voice when she is singing about Jesus, is so real...it can bring me to my knees. For someone like that, who can sing like that, to tell me how wonderful little ol' me is, makes me feel pretty incredible myself sometimes. She makes me feel good, so she, too, makes me smile on sight.

7. Jim [Lewis] - A bit of an explaination is required here. Jim, in this reference, is Beth's ex husband. No matter how much he hurt me emotionally, directly, and no matter how much he hurt me by hurting Beth, I cannot forget what he was to me. He was probably the first person EVER that I had to talk to. An older person to look up to, go to for advice, someone to confide in, vent to about life as a teenager. I loved him so much and I fell so hard when I had to let that go. But, I have a feeling that if I were to see him again...even though I know that will never happen, by my own choice of know that is bad for me and that I should stay away from what is bad...that should I see him, I wouldn't be able to help but smile. He will forever hold a unique place inside of me. I guess I have to thank him for that.

8. Dorothy - My wonderful aunt. I lived a half hour from them for a year, and every single week she would call me to make sure I was coming to stay with them for the weekend. She wouldn't have it any other way. She gave me wine, mothered me when I was sick, never took no for an answer when she sent me back to school with food, made really good homemade meals, rubbed my back without my asking, and called during the week just to see how I was doing. This, is an aunt by marriage, and so to have such a genuine caring vibe from her is really a blessing. They were my second family up there, and she took extra special care of me, even though I didn't need it. Now, I only get to see them when they come to visit, and when I see her all of those memories of weekends at their house come flooding through me and I feel happy, and grateful, and without realizing it, there's that smile on my face.

9. Mr. Wenzel - My OTHER mentor. Sure it was in me from near birth...Jimbo used to sing to me as a baby...but this man showed me what music can do. Taught me that it is healing, versatile, universal, soothing, empowering, encouraging, reassuring, comforting, weakening...it is everything. He showed me how big it is, and from that time on I've vowed to share that simple knowledge with the world. He taught me all I know about music, and for that I will be forever in his debt, because without it, who knows if I would have a vice. He gave me my forever outlet, my forever passion, my forever comfort and happy-place. I see him mowing down at Millies from time to time and make a point to bring him water. I see him, throw that huge smile on my face, and hug him like it's been ages. He watched me grow up and that's a pretty cool thing.

10. Jennifer - She was my boss when I was temping in the summers between going to college. She was the best boss a person could ask for, and a good friend, too. She also got me hooked on the Relay For Life event in Elkhorn every July. I'm so glad I got involved, and so heavily involved. I play an important couple of roles in the running of the huge event and it makes me feel so wonderful to be such a big part of a wonderful selfless cause, such as the cancer relay. My first year there I went as a tag-along and ended up staying most of the day. That night I sat in the screen tent with her watching relayers walk the track in the dark lit subtlely by luminary bags...she wanted me to tell her what was going on with me, what happened to me, why she hadn't seem my smile for nearly a year. She wanted to know what was so powerful that it could take the Me out of Me. (does that make sense to anyone other than myself?). She was used to the outgoing, funny, hard working, mature, reliable girl she knew before that could light up a room. I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't. I wanted to tell her what happened, what it was that took away my light, but all I could say when I tried to tell her was, you don't want to know. Then she took my hand and held it. I used to think it was weird for adult friends to hold hands until that moment. She held my hand to say "honey it's ok, you'll get back up, you can be you again" and to show me that she really did care and was concerned, but was ok that I couldn't talk about it. Since then, sometimes I'll reach for the hand of a really close friend and it is a symbol of love and cherishing......now I see Jen from time to time at work and it is a break from my hectic day so I drop what I'm doing to stop and look at her, and give her the smile that she loves. And every time, she simply says "I can't tell you how wonderful it is to see you smile again."



These are the top ten, in addition to others, that I thank God for every, EVERY single day.

Workman's Compensation

Nice! So guess what I did, 10 minutes before my 12 hour shift would have been over...put an air-gun staple clean through my finger. Right index finger to be exact. Here's the redneck part. It's all ugly pussy and purple and talk about swollen, and I've been ordered to not use that hand, but I have bowling tomorrow, and Saturday, and Sunday. And I'm gonna bowl tomorrow, Sat, amd Sun. Why? Because while it fuckin hurts like a mother, I'm no wimp, and I have to pay every week to bowl whether I actually physically bowl or not. How? You don't use your index finger to bowl! You use the thumb, middle, and ring fingers to bowl. And just so you all can get a good larf, I'll try and remember to post my lame ass scores tomorrow after the deed is did. Doc wrote me out for some Vicodin but I'm not going to fill it. No need. How do we know what "good" feels like if we have no "bad" to compare it to? And who says I can't sleep without stupid meds. Cat, you already know I don't like pills, and I know that Jim likes Vicodin, but I'm asking in advance that you not try and convince me to fill the pills. I'm not saying that you will, but just in case there was a, "but, but" in your head after reading my stubborn rejection of pills, please don't.

As for the condo...I'm totally ready to move in NOW I'm going crazy. Maybe by then I will have my giant tv for my bedroom, and my BOSE Surround. Highly unlikely, but a girl can dream, even if they're both really expensive, and sitting at the bottom of my "Hurry Up And Wait" list. I'm going over there on Saturday to take pictures just because I doubt I will have any visitors once I move in, but I still want people to see where I am going to live so they can feel relieved that it isn't a dump. It's quite to the contrary but you will see all of that when I post the pictures. Probably on myspace, but I can give it a shot on here. I'm pretty computer literate and while I've never added pictures to a blog on here before, I'm sure it's easy as pie and I should be able to figure it out. While I'm at it maybe I will take a picture of my "war wound" enormous finger. Lol. Goodnight everyone. Pray for a low amount of pain as I'm choosing to do this less pain killers. Wish me luck!

Paint

I talked to Terri today. I think it would be easier to paint at the condo before I move all of my things in, so that I don't have to move stuff out of the way to paint. I asked her if I could paint this weekend and she is cool with it so I'm going to buy some paint and supplies from Lowes tomorrow. I have decided to paint the bedroom the muave color that I wanted to paint my room here...and I am going to paint the living room a sage green color unless something else catches my eye. The bathroom I think can stay white because the shower curtain I picked out is white with some pastel blue and purple flutterbies on it. The closet doesn't need to have painted walls, and the kitchen is a continuation of the living room so I think that will end up green, too. Did I mention the closet isn't in the bedroom? It's got it's own door and stuff in the hallway! It's huge! I WILL take pictures on Saturday before and after I paint. Gotta remember to bring my ipod and Bose speakers with me so I can crank out the tunes while I work. It's going to be so much fun. I am having breakfast with Leanne on Saturday morning so I am going to ask her if she wants to come and see the condo, if she has time. She's ecstatic for me, too. Painting it will make it mine, make it more real, and more reachable, and make the wait until January, a little more tolerable. I think I might see how she feels about me moving in my chairs early, too, and some of my kitchen stuff. I don't think she will mind too much. She's been amazing about everything so far. Now, if I could only get Tim to give me my fucking review so I can have my next raise, before the January raise is due. Derrrrr, that might make sense. Dummy.

Night everyone, pray for me to get rid of this damn sinus infection. It's kickin my arse. Cat...I totally know now what you meant at the Brule when you said it got so bad your teeth hurt. OUUUCH!

Condo Crazy!

I worked miserably on Saturday. It totallly sucked, but I got to go home at 1 so I only worked five hours. On a Saturday, five hours feels like ten, though. I called mom after work because I was hungry and they happened to be in town at Lowe's so we went to Culver's. Dad was acting his usually weird self while mom and I sat there, not feeling so well. Mom's got tummy issues with the squirts. I have a sinus infection that keeps breaking in unconvenient public places, but also keeps coming back. My mother, Stephanie, and myself followed Terri to Whitewater from the bowing alley on Saturday night. I brought Stephanie because she was excited for me (as I am for her, because her and Nathan got the apartment they wanted and move their crap into it, in about two weeks) and I brought my mom because she really wanted to see it, and because my head hurt so bad I didn't think I should have been driving. So, mom drove. It's fantastic. From what she originally told me, when she was half in the bag, was that it was the upper floor. But, she showed us the upper floor loft thing and I wasn't very impressed. Then, she showed us the basement/low level, and said as we were going down the stairs "this is what I think would be perfect for Corinne." It indeed, is quite perfect. If you go down the hallway, to the left is a huge walk-in closet. On the right there is a full bathroom, and straight ahead is a large bedroom with a queen-sized bed in it that I get to keep. Go back down the hallway and you walk into a sitting area/living room that is perfect for a nice big TV (WOOHOO), a couch, and a coffee table. Past that, past the stairs to he first level, there is a small kitchenette/wet bar, with a counter, cabinets, and a space for a full refridgerator. She said her brother works for subzero and she is going to be getting a new sub zero fridge in the next couple of weeks to put down there. I'll just have to get the stuff to put in it, and a pizza oven and microwave of course. Then past the kitchenette, there is a door that opens into a storage area, or what would have been the rest of the basement, which is huge. She said I can put all my crap in there and it really would be perfect! I'm so thrilled! I wish I could make it work before Christmas just because it would be awesome to spend my first Christmas alone, at the condo...with a cute little tree and stuff, and it would be awesome if I weren't moving in, in the winter, but that's just how it's working out. I pay the $300 a month, plus 1/4 of the electric bill. We will take turns paying the water bill, and she said if I want cable and internet, I'll just have to pay anything above what she's already paying. It's the perfect set up for me down there, and I have so many plans for it! I don't think I will paint the bathroom because the shower curtain I bought is white with pastel blue and purple watercolor butterflies on it...and the walls are white so I think it will be fine as it is. As for the livin area, I was thinking a muave or a sage. It would be awesome. Bedroom might stay white just because painting all that is a lot for one person. I'm glad I know what I'm doing though from working at Barker. I had to paint all the time, and I know what kind of paint is good and what is shitty...I know what covers well and what doesn't...and I know how to mix paint, so if I notice a clerk doing something wrong on my paint I get to yell at them and say "you're doing it wrong!" Heehee.

Yesterday I bought the shower curtain, a couple towels, a pizza cutter, and a new set of glasses. If anyone wants to know what they should do for me for Christmas, it would simply be to hand over some gift cards to places like Best Buy, PierOne, Kohl's, or Target. Stuff like that. However, I am not asking, or expecting anything from anyone. Please don't feel obliged, but it you want to help me out, I will be less reluctant for those gifts than I have been for gifts in the past. I'M SO FLIPPIN EXCITED! Mom's gettin me a kitten when I move in. I think that's the part that's going to mean the most to me...having that companion that is my own, and having a companion will help, this being my first time truly on my own. I can't wait! Yay!

Burnt Out/Icky

I got home from work after one of my longest shifts EVER, at about 11:30. I feel like shit. The pressure of my sinus infection is getting to be almost untolerable. I can't sleep because it hurts and is a very unpleasant feeling. It gets so bad at work and then when I sneeze, it hurts so bad I wanna cry. I haven't had a sinus thing this bad so early in the season in a while, since high school probably. In high school I was always sick with sinus issues, allergies, head colds, flu's, strep, bronchitis, you name it. And...I never missed a day of school for it. That was easy though. When you're sick, teachers give you a sort of free pass to take it easy, so all you really have to do is sit there and try not to fall asleep. When you're not in school, and the alternative is going to work, your boss has no sympathy. I absolutely cannot take a sick day because it is month end. And, I really need the overtime money. It sucked working so many hours today and feeling like shit on top of that, but I can only imagine how tomorrow will be. I have to work early tomorrow morning, so when I got home I took the following; one Tylenol PM, three Sudafed, one Allegra D, one Vitamin C, and on Centrum vitamin. Hopefully something will work. Mom, being the med-wiz now that she's all certified to be an MA or whatever, says what I took shouldn't clash with each other and shouldn't keep me awake, and that hopefully one, or a combination of a few, will let me sleep. That would be wonderful. My eyes burn so badly from lack of sleep that I just want to cry. Doesn't anyone care that I'm tired? Why ar we even working tomorrow if we already made our month goal on Thursday? WTF?! And why am I not allowed to say no?! It's not mandatory and Tim will make my life misrable for his time as my boss if I ever say no to a month end Saturday...even though we are supposed to be entitled to one month end off (saturday doesn't count since Friday is technically month end). I don't dare ask for a month end off. And it isn't fair. I hate that I have to schedule the rest of my life around month end EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MONTH. And why should I work 12 hours if my boss only does 8...15 minutes of which he is actually truly working? Ugh. Maybe I'm just crabby because I feel shitty. SOMEBODY GET ME OUTTA HERE!

Most amazing

The most amazing thing happened to me. Maybe not THE most amazing, but pretty fortunate, and brilliant. So I gave blood, in four minutes today. FOUR minutes. That is really really speedy considering I ate nothing before hand all day, and had sipped sparingly on water. I felt weak all day, more than usual. I had my half day and left after I gave blood, around quarter to noon. I took Andrea to Target for some stuff she wanted, and on the way back from Lake Geneva said out loud without realizing it, "I shouldn't be driving." And she asked why, I told her I was completely drained. I realized how I wasn't holding my head straight, it was sort of leaning to one side while I was driving, I didn't have the energy to stand up straight while walking and yelled at her a few times at the store to not walk so fast, even though she clearly was already walking snail pace. I just realized in the car, that I was way too tired, too drained, to seriously drive and focus. Too late though, so I made it home, and literally crashed onto my bed. Sundae thought it'd be cool to lie down on my back...didn't bother me any, I was down. Seriously out. I couldn't talk, all I could do was this sort of mumble moan thing. So I slept for a couple of hours. I felt quite a bit better when I got up, so I think I just needed the rest to gain some of my energy back. We went to the bowling alley where the WOL-RAC tourney people were meeting, before everyone headed to Walworth Lanes to do the tourney thing. I went along, Leanne and her husband bowled with my parents. Near the end, when everyone was finished bowling and we were just sitting around finishing our waters and stuff, somehow we got on the topic of Terri's condo she just closed on. She had worked out a deal with the dude who built it (as it was finished with construction right in the middle of her divorce), for her to rent it until she could afford to close on it. She's been there a year or whatever, and her mortgage is only $600 a month, in Whitewater. She offerend me, ME....the entire second floor to myself, which from the sounds of the guy she was bowling with, is practically a full apartment with a loft and a large living area, and a room thing and a full bath, and a walk-in closet. She offered me all of that to myself, for $300/month rent. That is absolutely amazing, a deal that cannot be passed up. She really trusts me, and I honestly, truly trust her, and I am going to look at it on Sunday. Also, she said I can paint, I can get a kitty, and still only pay her $300 a month. Best part, Whitewater is only 20 minutes away from Delavan so my commute would only be about five minutes longer to work than usual. On top of that, she agreed to see how I'm doing financially and stuff after the new year starts. I am almost waiting to wake up because things this good do not just plop into MY lap. This good of a thing doesn't just reveal itself. If I want good things to happen to me, for me, I have to work my ass off for it. This time, all I had to do was be a trustworthy person, with a very steady paycheck, and the rest just laid (layed? lay?) itself out for me.

The hour is gettin late, I'm exhausted and crashing fast again, and I have a house to clean tomorrow as Pete and Dorothy are staying here with Tucker tomorrow night. God bless and may everyone find themselves in good health and happiness. Good night!

*horns blaring* IT'S HERE!!!

That's right, it showed up already! I've been tracking it a couple times a day on my phone and have watched it go from China, to Anchorage, to Memphis, to Janesville, and to my house. How exciting! It's currently syncing my music library. It's awesome...almost done and it's been less than ten minutes! I emailed Pete at work to tell him I had a 1:00 emergency chiropractor appointment, so I couldn't go in early today. PSH! All that just so I can stay home a little bit longer and play with my new toy!

It's so beautiful, and light, and pretty much amazing. It also came with an adapter so I can put it in my iHome! Sweet. Awesome little box it came in, I already have a poofy case thing for it so it doesn't get scratched up or anything in my purse, it's pretty perfect. Maybe I'll write a review later or something when I've listened to it and used it a little bit more. Anyway, that is the big news. IT'S HERE!!!

Food Poisoning

SUUUUUCKS! Then I read up on it and it looks like I'm going to be puking and stuff for two or three days. Wonderful. A sinus infection isn't bad enough, now I'm sneezing, hacking, puking, and moaning all at the same time. Great. Just what I DON'T FUCKING NEED right now.

Also, my mom went off on my boss at the open house today when he said "I'm a nice boss aren't I..." oh shit. I was muttering, "mom, don't. Pleeeease mom don't, mom d'...shit." Oh my. I can't WAIT to go in on Monday. Not only will I still feel like shit, but I will also have to deal with him and probably want to off myself afterwards. Thanks mom.

Mom and dad think it was from the barely warm hot dog I had at Ira Cheney's benefit we went to tonight. They each had the ham, as did most everyone else, and they were fine. I had the equivalent of two beers and all of a sudden I was like, we need to leave NOW. On the way out they were like "hold on" so they could say bye to Ira and I just kept walking, I needed to get outside, where I puked, three times. Mom just said, "Did you have too much to drink" and I told her no I didn't even get a buzz or anything and it was two beers over two hours...then she asked what I ate and felt for a fever and said I was pale and burning up and then I puked three more times on the way to the car that wasn't even halfway across the parking lot...not like hack puking, like POURING OUT puking. It was disgusting and miserable and I had to strip in the parking lot in front of my parents and whoever else was watching because dad didn't want it in getting in the car at all so we threw my clothes in a bag and I cried the whole way home because I was humiliated from being nearly naked, the alternative was to walk home....anyway so I took a shower and puked some more. I just need to go to bed and get rested enough for church. Yes, I'm still going...I missed last week because I slept in because I had to work all weekend and I was exhausted. THIS TOTALLY SUCKS because I wanted to watch Open Season again tonight. Adorable little animated movie with a domesticated grizzly bear named Boog and a one-racked deer named Elliott. Haha. That can wait I guess because I'm tired, and hungry, and my stomach hurts. Don't crinkle your nose, I'm allowed to complain sometimes. Goodnight.

Disappointing

I got my paycheck this week and it was a loooooooooot smaller than I anticipated. Should have been a lot larger considering the overtime I had on it, however, the more hours you work, the larger percentages they take out. So I got fucked, and did some math and realized I can't afford to go up north next weekend. It looks like it worked out for the better because Dorothy's grandmother passed this morning and so it is a family time for them...and as her father isn't going up, they are coming down. I may get to see them next weekend anyway, and I can try to plan something for November. Anyway...this money thing sucks because it means we had to cancel our lane reservation for the Scotch Doubles tourney tomorrow night at the bowling alley, and I won't be able to eat out with the girls even once for the next two weeks until I get paid again. At which point, I'll owe mom and dad a small amount of money. No biggie really, just a huge bummer that I had to cut back on the fun things so that I can still take care of the not so fun things (bills bills bills). It's just a bad part of the month. My second paycheck of every month is a tight one, as I have my car payment, car insurance, and two student loans that need to come out of it, as opposed to the early paycheck each month that only has a cell phone bill and two credit cards coming out of it. Bummer all the way around.

I have had a sinus headache for two days straight and it is one of the most unpleasant things next to losing an eyeball or a foot. I have sick days but don't dare dream of using any of them as I fear the consequences. My boss would make my life miserable for months, even more than he already does. I dread going to work anymore because of how he is towards me. It's harrassment and technically I could and should go to personel but again, I'm afraid of the consequences. He'd make it even worse for me. Fuck head.

Stupid iPod is finally showing up on Monday or Tuesday...depending on how far it gets in transit from Connecticut tomorrow. We will see. At this point, I'm not so excited, just annoyed.

Cat: Glad you appreciate the space and all, I'm tryin. It's hard! I miss talking to you regularly! As for what fall smells like...I smell nada right now so I'm not a good person to ask. But...yes, I am still reading your stuff, when you post.

Heading to bed. My sinus shit hurts. Night everyone!

Redemption

Mr. Apple has redemed himself/itself. Sure, it took three days (as opposed to the 24 hour response time promise) to get an email response and they gave me a phone number to call. I didn't have to get tossed around hoping for someone who knew what they were doing who could deal with my issue, and I just got straight down to it. They told me they've been having a lot of complaints about the lack of "advertising" or so to speak about the shipping details for the different options they offer. They took off my shipping charge I paid for so I will get the shipping free like everybody else, but they won't push back my ship date so I will get it the same time as I would have before. Not like it would have made a difference anyway...I'm still pissed. Their 2-3 day shipping is not standard policy. Ask anyone who is a shipping/receiving clerk. Whatever. I'll forget all about it when my new baby shows up.

I'm picking up an application for my brother. There is a 1st shift Saws posting with few requirments: high school diploma or GED equivalent, 1-3 years related experience (which they are very lenient on), common sense and ability to follow directions, and ability to read blue prints. Starting pay between $15.58-$20.08/hour. He says that in itself would make up for the money hey just dropped on a toolbox and new tools for his current job that pays him close to nothing. I hope he gets it just because he eneds more money and I can relate to that, but I also hope that it takes him more than one try to get a job here. He needs to work for something and he doesn't know what that is like because he has never had to do that. Everything has either come easy or been handed to him.

I'm a bit panicky. I asked Sarah if she was ready for me to come up the weekend before Halloween and she responded with: "You mean MEA weekend? I'm at my dad's." And I'm a bit cranky about it because Dorothy told me she has the kids that weekend, and that is why I'm going up. But, I don't want to go up that weekend if they don't have the kids (unless Jim and Cat are going to head on up, too). If I go up I want to see everyone and I specifically asked what weekends they have free, with the kids and that weekend is the one she gave me so I asked off for it. I guess I should just ask her instead of the kids. That would make too much sense.

Bowling tomorrow morning. Wish me luck! Hopefully I'll kick ass and take some names. We play my family's team again. Should be fun.

Hasta!

Apple pissing me off

First off...yes, I really am pissed at Mr. Apple. Ok...so I call him Mr. Apple because it's more amusing and it can mean Mr. Apple guy or it can mean Mr. Apple like Apple in general. I have no interest in knowing Mr. Apple's real name so please don't ruin my fun....here goes why I'm pissed.

I ordered my ipod touch and everything...chose 2-3 day shipping because my current ipod is crashing FAST and I want to have the new one here in time to have an easy transition with no time gap in between. Working in a shipping department, I know that 2-3 day shipping SHOULD mean it ships immediately as a rush order, and you RECEIVE the thing in 2-3 business day from the day it was ordered. Worst case senario I can handle if Mr. Apple's version of 2-3 day shipping means it SHIPS in 2-3 days from the order date. How totally wrong I was! Checked out my order status to see if I would be getting it Thursday or Friday of LAST week(currently still this week, technically since it is Saturday night)...apparently the extra ten dollars means you get it 2-3 days from the day it ships...which isn't going to be until sometime between Oct. 18th and Oct. 23rd. WTF?! That is so misleading and I sent an email regarding a request for a refund on shipping charges since it is currently free shipping unless you want it "faster." Got a confirmation email saying I'd get a response within 24 hours...it's been FOUR DAYS! Poor service. I'm also very angry about the fact that it has been engraved since last Saturday, but is just sitting there for another week before it ships. Fucking bullshit. If it's in stock...ya ship it. That's a good shipping department. And...obviously it's in stock otherwise it wouldn't already be engraved. Again. Fucking bullshit. I'm SOOOOOO not happy with Mr. Apple right now. I also feel that now is a perfect time to say DAMN MR. APPLE! *instead of "damn The Man"...*

On another note...I've watched the guided tour online about four times now or so and then out of curiosity watched the tour of the iphone. iPod touch is essentially the same as the iPhone...they look the same, they run the same, they have the same features, minus phone stuff...and the iPod touch (I'm going to shorthand that as iTouch for faster typing) has wi-fi shit in it and everything. Seriously advanced stuff, this new apple stuff. Mr. Apple truly amazes me. Not that a touch screen is all that new a kind of technology, but to put it into a phone...and turn that phone into everything you need (your lifeline so to speak), is even more brilliant. Phone, PDA, iPod, internet, iTunes, fuckin everything. It really is quite brilliant. I think an iPhone is a must-have in my future but I think it may be a few years, as I love the phone I currently have and there is nothing wrong with it. The only downside of not having it now is having to carry two devices on me all the time; phone and ipod, instead of just the one device that has everything on it. I was wondering though....is a touch screen protectable? I mean, can you put one of those scratch-resistant slip things on it, or will that affect the whole touch reading? The only reason I wonder is because if I'm going to spend that much money on something, I want it to not get scratched up or dropped or spilled on or anything klutzy like that. Meh. Either way, this new shit is amazing.

Going shopping again tomorrow. Wonderful. More money spending. Mom wants to go to the outlet mall in Kenosha. Never been there but I know how to get there and it is humungo.

Update on my emotional state these days: still feeling very lonely and sort of 'empty.' Come on, Corinne, snap out of it already. Pleeeease.

Oooo almost forgot. I'm going to become Kaiden's Godmother on November 11th!

Not so cheerful news

1. Mass killing in lil ol Crandon, WI
2. Packers lost
3. I'm stupid
4. Haven't come up with a 4 yet

1. So I found out that there was another mass shooting in Wisconsin. Dumb 20-year old Sheriff's Deputy got pissed about some love triangle and went psycho killer on the girl, her new boyfriend, and four other people. Later the swat sniper's picked off the shooter when the finally found him, and now he's dead too. Poor girl, poor innocent boyfriend and other friends....sad sad part is that the town is so small that everyone, EVERY single person was close to at least one of the victims, and most of the people in the town, including the chief, knew all six of the victims. So sad. I cried. I'm such a baby. I cried when I saw a clip of the burning twin towers on one of the plasmas at the bowling alley tonight, too. Seriously I need to get over it. The world is full of amazingly hateful people and angry people, and I know this first hand, but it doesn't make it harder for me to let go of my faith in the wonderful positive possibilities of the human race.

2. I'm all honestly, I'm more upset about WHO we lost against, than I am about the fact that we lost, but we did it to ourselves with stupid mistakes. Turnover after turnover an penalty after penalty in the second half. The problem was, when Chicago started puttin points on the board, the coaches started callin for more conservative plays and we fucked those up, too. If we could have kept our drive and the awesome passing yards, we could have had it. Not to mention it shoulda been a 31-0 halftime score but we fumbled....TWICE. Same player. Get it together guys. This game does not by any means indicate we're not going to be a playoff team...because I think we are going to bounce back better than ever. But, I'm not sure that we are going to be that one team this year that is "the force to be reckoned with." I guess we will see. In the North we still have the best record, but it's going to take soe organization, better defense, and a stronger passing offense to get where we want to. It's alright guys, I still love you, and no other team (but the Badgers...who also lost, disappointingly).

3. I couldn't help myself. I bought the ipod touch 16 gig. (It'll ship in 2-3 days for an estimated delivery sometime next week. I CANT WAIT THAT LONG!) The only reason that wouldn't be enough space for me would be if I would put videos on it and stuff like I have on this one...but I don't need that. My old ipod is starting to crash on me already though so I am trying to convince myself it wasn't too impulsive...but more preparation for what is to come. Though, if that were true I'd stick it out as long as I could and see if they made a bigger ipod touch by the time I need to replace my failing current ipod. I don't need my entire music library on there anyway...I have so many songs I don't listen to. It'll be okay.

4. I came up with number 4. Tim was in New York all last week going back and forth between the Rochester plant, and the Buffalo(Robert James) plant five hours apart. We didn't miss him. Plus...I have to do inventory this Friday and Saturday. Yes, that means I have to work Friday. It also means they're going to try and make me do overtime so that I can do precounts, and try and help keep up with the orders, at the same time. Fuckers. Do you think I don't like to relax? I DO!

There is some good news...I guess. I went shopping and spent lots of money on Saturday and it felt good because I have the money and I don't spend money on myself anymore...just on bills. So it was nice :) New bedding....BOSE Multimedia speakers (talked myself into that one because I don't have a stereo so the hundred bucks was worth it), a new cross stitch, a new purse that I love, a couple new shirts and a new pair of windpants, a new lamp, the ipod....anyway all that shopping was done on Saturday. The part that came in close second to spreading out all my new stuff on my bed...was that I had one entire day with mom completely argument-free. She came to Janesville for the hell of it and I bought her a couple of new books and some glass beads for her jewelry-making hobby, and lunch...for her late bday present. I also got dad a new fishing vest, a Stephen King book he doesn't have, and a couple of fly fishing tools that were in the vest he lost. Good weekend overall. Plus...walked into the Sunday Couples bowling league tonight to find out we were tied for second place (behind first by only one or two points) with two other teams and one of the teams that was tied with us, was our opponent team tonight, whom we beat all four games. I got my average two out of three games. I was happy, but it wasn't hard, my average is only a 144 at the moment.

That's all for now. Did I happen to mention I have six beers in me right now? Haha. Stupid flatlanders...playing football. Grrrrr.

Fuhriiiiiiiiday!!!

Just a short note hi for now...I'll add to this blog later when the night is done if I remember.

Getting real tired of the shit goin on at work lately. Today...Pat packaged up a whole two fuckin rush orders...so they piled up on the counter and by the time I got done in receiving, there were 36 rush orders sitting in bins waiting to be packaged (at 3:30 mind you) and another few here and there laying around without bins....wonderful. The line was backed up all the way down to me at the packing end and so I just kept piling them on top of each other when I got more done...I don't get why Pat didn't pack any rush orders. It doesn't make any sense. Rush orders take priority and he proceeded to fuck around and when he wasn't being a moron he was packaging regular orders. How do you MAKE someone have some brains?

Also...Jimmy almost ran me over with the forklift...he comes cruisin on back while I'm in a confined area stickering pumps, and he yells "You're fine" when I was trying to back away because he came in so fast I couldn't tell if he was trying to get through or just back more. So...I stayed where I was and got back on task...and before I know it, two and a half feet away from me, he slams into a crated pump that makes a loud metallic clanking sound and scares the fuckin shit out of me. He said he's never seen anyone turn so white so quickly. That was funny...but holy cow! Slow down man!

As for tonight...I get out at 6 and I'm going home to shower then I'll head off to Leanne's to pick her up for our Applebee's date :D I'll blog more about my night later as I said before...if I remember. Bye!

Suhhhhweeeeetness

Had to spice up the title...I already have a blog named "Sweet."

I get to work 10am-6pm tomorrow and Friday! Doreen has off so I get to work earlier. Yay me! I'm gonna ask Leanne if she wants to go out to eat on Friday with me since I'm out earlier. Or...maybe I won't, and I'll go out to eat with my family instead. They go out on Friday nights. Haven't decided yet. Probably the family, because I have my breakfast thing I do with Leanne, and I never go out with the family anymore.

Bowled like shit today. High game was 145. Woooweeeeeee now that's impressive. Low was 104. PATHETIC! It's alright, I don't care all that much. I'll get back into a rhythm and before ya know it I'll be knockin out the 180's again.

It's Wednesday, so I'll probably head to the bowling alley because Leanne is workin, I like to sit and talk with her and she gives me free beer sometimes. Shhh. I help her close up and keep her company and it's all good. It's pretty standard to be home by 12:30 on Wednesday nights.

Break is over already. Back to pre-counting for inventory prep. Yessss. Can't WAIT to get back to that. :(

Really Horrible and Really Great Weekend

Horrible: Game time was moved to 3 and I was at work and didn't even know about the fucking time change until an hour before game time. So mom and dad took the tickets and I'm pissed about giving my tickets to them because blowing $80 is a lot for me and they bought me a $1.36 soda in return. Also, the road to UPS was under construction and we couldn't get there without getting lost twice and doing a few figure 8's. Also, dad told me he was going to put up my fan for me today. I got home from the wedding reception at 6 and it wasn't started so I got mad and started opening it and was going to do it myself and dad got really mad for some reason and I got a hand across the face and a bruise on my arm just because he grabbed it so hard. Ass hole. It brought up bad memories of my childhood with mom. On top of that, I told Stephanie how I feel and she's pissed. I found out she dumped Eric and is now dating Nathan...She was probably single for like five minutes. I can't believe it. And I asked her why she doesn't ever try and work it out with guys. She said, "Excuse me?" And we got into it and I got mad and told her how I feel in a way I normally wouldn't have and I don't feel bad because she needed to hear it. If it means she lost a friend over it, big fuckin deal. She's losing all he people in her life that are important to her over her stupidity and naivete and it's her own fault, and I don't feel sorry for her. Even Alina is rejecting Stephanie. She spends so much time with Stephanie's parents that she doesn't ever want Stephanie, she wants grandma and grandpa. Anyway...bad bad bad all the way around and I don't care because she was the "girlfriend" that every girl's got..the one you love to hang out with but not all that bright and not the person you'd talk to about everything. I have Cat and Leanne for that :) So I'm not losing anything with Stephanie other than a fucking social life. And I feel really lonely again. Then I hear love songs and get all depressed about being single. I have been for three years. Is there something other than a little extra baggage that is not attractive? I know I'm coming off more confident and that is supposedly sexy. I don't get it and people keep trying to hook me up with different guys and I won't even go there. If I start dating someone it's going to be because I'm supposed to, meant to, not because I go looking for it. So...come to mama! :(

Great: Spent an evening with Cat to myself...nice casual night that involved talking, beer, pizza, Vodka, Grey's Anatomy, cruisin around Madison...and the morning was great too after my first full night of sleep in weeks. We had her awesome Potato Bread and bacon and fried eggs...it was scrumptious. :D

So I'm browsing Delavan real estate for the hell of it and most of the houses in my price range are about the same price as a montlyapartment rent would be. My brain is telling me two things. Why would you rent an apartment you'll never own when you can own a house for the same price. Only...it's not the same. Property taxes kill ya! Anyway...my brain is also telling me that yeah home loans are soooo easy to get, but I'm 21! I can't buy a house! More :(

Thanks kitty for the great weekend. Keep pluggin on the baby stuff and the steno stuff and know I'm proud of you and cheering you on...on both accounts. I love you! And thanks for being there. Thanks for being that friend.

2 1/2

...hours to go. Then I get to go home, take a shower, take a nap, and come back at like 5am. Fuckers. The first 10 1/2 hours of my shift didn't suck too bad...cept for the parts where Tim was involved. It got so bad to the point where I would have told him where to shove it and walk off...if it hadn't been for Doreen noticing and asking me to help her in receiving just to get me out of the situation. I do not get mad like that. I don't get angry...I look up take a few deep breaths, walk it off, and just do whatever it is I'm told. It works for the most part...I can just brush it off, but today I nearly lost it. That would have probably cost me my job, or at least misery for the next year or so. So...I'm glad I was distracted by something else.

At supper tonight (6pm) I told myself...tomorrow night this time I will be at a Brewer game with one of my very best and closest friends, drinking nasty beer and yelling way too much. So the countdown begins. I just hope that my lack of sleep and too much work won't affect my ability to really freakin enjoy the game. I can't wait, Cat!

Break is over. Back to work. Damn.

!@#$%

I am so not thrilled. SOOOOO not. I came in at 2:00 today because I had bowling....got an earful from Tim about it, and got pissed off right off the bat. WHAT THE BLEEP?! I should NOT have to rearrange my fuckin schedule just because it's month end week. I work my ass off for him and all I hear is nit-picking. Fuck off dumbass. After that...he told me I'm doing 12's the rest of the week. Fuck head...you don't do that. You don't TELL me what I'm working. You ask me if I could. It's still not giving me a choice in the matter, but it's not so fucking rude. Sorry about the sailor mouth...just really really pissed off. Plus....he decided to bargain with me. That I could have my half day off next month if I stayed late for month end this Saturday. NOT FUCKING FAIR! It's Saturday for fuck's sake. SATURDAY! Saturdays are about the least mandatory overtime days you'll get and you're bargaining my remaining vacation time on it? Threatening to not let me have off if I don't stay late on Saturday? Seriously. I don't have many words left on this because I'm just so fuming about it...but Doreen volunteered to say to Tim on Saturday, "Hey we're really not busy, why don't you let Corinne go..." and he might actually consider it. I have no illusions that he will let me go when I'd like, but it's sweet of her to try and help, and she does have SOME pull as she's my immediate boss...as a second shifter. Plus...he wants me to work 13 hours on Friday...10am to 11pm....and still come in at like 5 in the morning for Saturday. You have got to be fucking kidding me. What a dick head prick and a half that needs to get a fucking life and quite wasting money on beer EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at the Waterfront. And NO I will NOT go have a drink with you after work on Saturday so quite asking. I wouldn't do that even if it meant keeping my job or losing it. Good thing it doesn't...

I shouldn't be so livid, as from the sounds of it we won't have all that much for Saturday and I should be able to get out of here relatively early. Still won't be able to take a shower, I'll have to leave straight from here to Madison after work....and I'll have to find time to pack sometime...how the fuck do you find time to pack when you're doing 12 and 13-hour shifts the two days prior to the weekend? Did I mention I hate Tim? I really do. Asshole. !@#$%

Sweet!

Didn't feel much like goin to work early today...by early I mean noon. I stopped at the clinic for my depo shot before work and expressed my extreme distaste for month end week....then headed for work. I ordered out with Jane from Anchor Inn for the last time before they close up for the winter. It wasn't as good as I remember but it's alright....and I shouldn't have ordered out because I'm running close on spending money for Saturday's Brewer's game with Cat on Saturday night.

So as for the blog title...I mentioned above how I did't much care for the idea of going in early today. I stickered pumps for an hour and 20 minutes, ran back and forth on the stand up fork lift getting the finished centrifugal pumps, and then went to Hobbs for one part. Sitting at the stop light by Scoops, I saw someone waving their arm at me outside of their car....then realized it was Leanne. That totally made my day. I'm goin to see her tonight at the lanes after work and now I cant' wait, but she really did make my entire day and the already not-so-dreadful day at work was improved even more. Now, time is dragging as per usual (I suspect the clock is broken or conspiring against us, neither of which is making us happy little order pickers) and I just want to get out of here and go see Leanne, have a glass of water at the bar, and go home and relax. By relax I mean either taking a bath, going straight to bed, or drinkin a beer while watching Ugly Betty on ABC.com.

Anyone interested in doing a haunted hay ride next month on a weekend? I think it'd be really cool but I can't do it unless it's a Saturday or Sunday.

I want to go to church because I haven't been in a few weeks due to different things that have gotten in the way...this past weekend was a waste because the only people that showed up to the lame ass party were grandparents, two uncles, and an aunt...oh and Stephanie because I made her. So much for the 40 RSVP's I got. I'm really upset about no one coming. Makes me feel like a failure. This Sunday I won't be attending either, as I have the Brewer's game late on Saturday and will be staying the night with Cat on Sunday. In separate beds, mind you. Don't get any funny ideas haha.

So back to work. An hour and twenty minutes left so far. WTF mate?! I am le tired!

Lady in Waiting

Yup. That's me. And wy do I have to fall for someone who is in jail for credit card fraud? Why is that not making me turn away, as a victim of the very same crime? Why do I like him so much? Why do I feel like a happy go lucky child when I talk to him and why do I all of a sudden feel like I want him to know everything about me, tell him everything, when it comes to him....when with anyone else I'm more guarded? What is it that makes me feel safe and loved, understood and unjudged? WHY WHY WHY?! It makes absolutely no sense but it works and I am reluctant, and running into his unfamiliar open arms at the same time. What to do other than be extremely careful?!

Cleaned out my car today...we also went to Janesville for party decorations and food. I really hope people show up. I can't get ahold of half of the people who were supposed to help and bring stuff. It's a lot of pressure to get everything done when you are planning a surprise party on your own because your siblings want nothing to do with it other than to show up and get fat off of brats and burgers. When I'm on overtime and have hardly enough time to sleep eat AND work, it's hard to plan a party, too, on my own. Get the cake...find someone to refridgerate it so dad doesn't suspect anyting. Hide the supplies like candles and Over the Hill decorations...steal dad's staple gun so I can hang decorations and post signs......buy balloons in his presence without him asking why...and then tell him he can't work tonight because we said so...turns out he is working anyway but I gave him no choise but to show up to the cookout with Uncle Kerry. That's our excuse. It isn't a lie...it's just a lot bigger than just us and Uncle Kerry. With decorations...and an alternative purpose than just a last hoorah for the summer.

I'm so busy organizing the party I'm not taking care of myself well. Too often lately, have I gotten gittery before I ate some food....and too often have I cut my sleep off at 3 or 4 hours so I can get everything done. I want to collapse. I can't keep up at this pace for much longer before I do some real damage to myself. I hope it all pays off.

Off to walmart for more party stuff. Talk to you all soon and thanks for reading!

Thank you

Don't really feel like going into it but I had a very bad, long day yesterday. At the same time, it was incredible because it made me take a step back and I realized that I cannot depend on friends to help me through, the only person I should depend on is myself. Not that my friends aren't wonderful, and I'm not saying that because they weren't there for me (they were :), but the only person I should depend on is myself. Then, "I'll stand by you" started playing on the radio and it just felt good to sing it to myself, I guess...if that make sense. Here are the words...try reading them to yourself and you'll find a sense of peace from it:

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Dont be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause Ive seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You dont know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you

So if youre mad, get mad
Dont hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well Im a lot like you
When youre standing at the crossroads
And dont know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if youre wrong

Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
Youre feeling all alone
You wont be on your own

Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you


Feels like a breath of fresh air to come into yourself like that. Strange.

Outlet

I have decided that the tickets I bought for the Brewer's game on the 29th are mine, so I am taking someone else, instead of giving them both to Stephanie. They are good seats and I had too good of a time last night to pass up the chance to go to another game...with even better seats. I may be taking Cat. She might not be able to go, but I'm hoping she can. If so, I'm going to drive up there and then we'll drive from Madison and I can totally crash there for the night since it's a 6:05 game. She was cool with it, should she be able to go. I'm really pumped, but not too pumped because I still don't know whether she can go or not yet. If she can...that's one more reason for me to get out of work early that day. It's a Saturday, what are they going to do to me? Seriously! Yay me.

So I finally texted Stephanie that I am going to the game with someone else. She didn't even know what she did wrong. It is confirmed that she is dating Spike. It is also confirmed in my heart that I cannot trust her anymore and when I told her today that she is not smart with guys, she got pissed and asked me to explain. I said if you need me to explain that, it's worse than I thought. We need to take a very very long break and when she asked if it was permanent I said probably but I can only speculate right now.

I've been a bit off this whole weekend and last night I attempted to get drunk at the Brewer's game. I got six beers in from start to finish and I still was hardly buzzing. Today, I watched the Packers kick ass, then did the dishes in record speed. I also decided that I wanted to rearrange my room. So...I lugged my armoir around that feels about twice as heavy as I am, from one corner of my room, to the opposite diagonal corner...moved two desks, swung my bed around...and now I have a new, fresh room. It took me only a couple of hours (only because I kept taking breaks to vaccuum around everything as was moving stuff around. I started sneezing and got swollen eyes and decided I needed to get rid of that shit as I went so I went crazy. My room isn't quite spotless, but pretty damn close. Just some clothes to put away, some more picturs to put up, a few things to straighten up on my rolly cart thing, and a ramp to transport to the garage. It feels like I'm starting over. It's weird how lugging heavy shit around became an outlet. Then, to cool down, I went for a long walk. Maybe cleaning is an outlet. Weird how I don't otherwise do much cleaning...I like the line from Grey's Anatomy along the lines of, "I have a messy room, a messy apartment, but I am not messy. I am not a messy person." I like that a lot. Sure I have shit all over my room most of the time, but I am by no means a messy person. Pretty organized, actually.

Here I am now...diggin in to Grey's Anatomy so I can hand it off to Cat. I may just wait and give it to her in two weeks if we go to the game together! Would be better actually since I am currently broke and we have no stamps at all. I don't even have pocket change enough for a couple of stamps. I still have a letter to Beth I wrote on the 7th that still needs a stamp. Pathetic.

Hoohaw

Ok so this will probably gross people out...but I don't care because I'm still chucklin over it. I had my first girly appointment today and before hand mom had said she thinks she is going to go to the same doctor as me, for her next one. Didn't think anything more of it...afterward when we were all sittin around I said, "What a minute. I don't want you to go to the same doctor I just saw. She saw mine, then she's gonna see yours. That's just weird." Then Debbie (the nurse) said, "She'll probably say, 'Man, you guys do look alike your hoohaw looks just like your daughters!'" We were laughing sooo hard the doctor came out of his office to see what was going on. It was hilarious.

On another not...I have a pretty nice weekend ahead of me from what I can see. Tonight I'm going to go home and sneak in a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 3 so I can get it to Cat as soon as possible as she hasn't seen any of it yet. Then, tomorrow morning I am going to breakfast with Leanne. After that I will probably work on cleaning my room and such, try and catch the Badger game if they're playin, and then later we are going to Milwaukee to see the Brewer's game. I borrowed Stephanie's Smokey Joe mini grill so we can tailgate before the game. I'm gonna get drunk since I'm not drivin, and it'll be a jolly ol' time. Go Brewer's! Our record is only one win behind the Cubs, so that's somethin...but the Cubs have also played one more game than we have. Stupid Cubs....Anyhow, Sunday I have church in the morning and a Packer game to watch at noon, and then a bunch of phone calls to make as I never got around to mailing out the invitations for mom and dad's party that I spent so long working on. Dammit. Oh well...hope people will show up...After that I will probably lounge around a bit and maybe hang out with Stephanie or something. Should make out for a good weekend :) Breakfast out with a friend, Badgers, Brewer's, and Packer's all in the same weekend, can't complain!

Happy for the cool weather

This weeks' high is 74...on Thursday. Other than that it'll be cooling down. Yay! My favorite weather! I don't like the coooold stuff but these 50's are wonderful. Don't ask me why but my emotions have always played off of the weather a bit. I'm so psyched about fall being just around the corner. Sad because I imaginged myself jumping in the leaves with that puppy, but that didn't work out. Mostly I'm just happy. Long day tomorrow but it's easy compared to when I was workin till 10p on Tuesdays, then 6a-4p on Wednesdays and then bowling AND hittin the volleyball courts at the high school...and then finally showering and going to bed. I don't know how I did it. Call me nuts...I guess I just really wanted the job bad enough. Don't bet me wrong, I'm so thankful for it, but sometimes I wonder why the hell I signed up for this. Second shift sucks and I don't know when I will get to be on first. Maybe when our network switches over from AS400 to SAP...we go live in Q2 of 2008...Doreen and are going to feel Tim out one of these days for how he feels about changing second shifters to 10-6. That would be awesome for me :) We will see. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Weeeeeeirdest thing just now. Mom came in here and while I was typing wrapped one arm around my shoulder for a short squeeze, kissed my forehead and said, "Night sweetie, goin to bed." I don't think I like it! Maybe she got jealous when she saw Leanne kiss me on the lips when she hugged me goodnight on Sunday. Haha who knows.

Hoping my exchanged Bose ear buds come by Thursday. I like to walk at night because I feel like the whole world is mine for the taking. Just me, some music, and the road. Almost dead silence, but for the infrequent dog barking or the rare care passing by. I get to throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt and reflective arm bands and just do my thing. It's when I feel the most alive. Only at night though. You gotta try it sometime. :)

A good thing

Stephanie told me that she broke the ice with Matt last night when they said goodnight at my house. She told him about her children. He told her that it bothers him but that it doesn't change how much he likes her and he's not goin anywhere anytime soon. So...I'm relieved. Not that I expected him to be the stereotypical guy who'd split when he found out she has kids...but he just seems so good for her that I wanted him to be okay with it because their future looks so good from here that I don't want it to end so soon. They deserve each other and for Stephanie, all I can say is, at last. Good girl. Heehee.

Goin to the lanes tonight to chill with Leanne. When the week is over I'll have seen her four days. I saw her yesterday because she works the bar for our Sunday Couples league, and I'll see her tonight because she is working again and I like to relax and chat with her after I get off work...and I'll do it again after work on Wednesday when she works, and we are going to breakfast on Saturday! It is nice to have some regularity to it again, seeing her always seems to make my week a little easier to breathe through, makes it flow a little smoother, a little less stressful, and makes it easier to keep a smile on my face without thinking about it. It's awesome. I have a few special friends like that but Leanne is the only one that I have the opportunity to see regularly. Cat lives in Madison and is really really super busy with class and work and being Jim's photo assistant...Beth is in Omaha and won't let me go and see her. She would be very very pissed at me if I just showed up to see her, so that is out of the question. I just can't help but feel, and almost wonder if I know it but don't want to accept it, that I won't see her again. She's not doing well and won't let me see her when she's ill. What is a girl to do?! It sucks and it doesn't do my mental state much good.

Alright, break time is done. Apparently we're on overtime already starting tomorrow. I guess, Tim is also for the rest of the week. He's at the WCB Mexico plant! WOOHOO! K...gotta go. BYE!

I'm pretty much amazin

Ok so maybe I have a thing for Spike but that doesn't mean I can't put aside the pursuit of my love interest to gently nudge Stephanie's...Spike's friend, Matt is taller than her and skinny miny like she seems to go for, he's cute and sweet and wild but refined at the same time. He treats her well and they're both interested in each other and most of all, they look so damn good together. I saw them at the bowling alley sitting together watching us bowl for Sunday Couples and I found myself watching THEM because they do look good together, and she needs a good guy like him. The guys she's ended up with have all been wrong for her. Now, she's got a good one and the relationship isn't rushed into sex and stuff like that with Matt. So...I found her a good one. And apparently they had a really good "goodnight" at their cars. I don't need details or anything but I'm happy for them and I hope it keeps heading in the positive direction. It's good for both of them....but at the same time, he doesn't know she has two kids. He's 20, by the way. We will see...hopefully that fact that she has children will not make him run for the hills, but try anyway because he likes her enough. Like I said, we will see, and I will definitely keep my readers posted.

After tonight I will have a 156 average on Sunday nights. Woohoo! Much more attainable than the 170 for Wednesday mornings. Wish me luck, this season is looking to be a good one! The only part I'm upset about is having to bowl the morning league on Wednesdays. They're a great bunch of girls, and I get to see grandma and Aunt Kay every week now, but they're not the same. As soon as I can I'm aiming for 1st shift so I can have my life back the way I want it. That may be a couple of years but if that's what it takes, I can manage until then.

PACKERS WON!!! Also...BEARS LOST TO THE SAN DIEGO CHARGERS!!! HELL FUCKIN YEAH BABY! Cause for celebration.

Last night Spike brought Matt over...which is where Matt and Stephanie met. We sat outside last night around the fire pit, the four of us and Mat and his girlfriend. To distinguish...Mat is my brother, and Matt is Spike's friend/Stephanie's hopeful.

Just ordered some Bose earbuds for my ipod. I'm absolutely psyched because it will provide amazing sound quality. That is what I want more than anyhthing. iPods are great and all but they are nothing without good sound device to go with it. So...I got me some Bose shit. Bose IS the shit. Bose is the best sound equipment out there and I cannot wait to get them. They should be here either Tuesday or Wednesday and I will report back here with my not-so-professional consumer evaluation. Woot woot!

Wtf?! I looked at the forecast for this week. The highest it is supposed to get all week is 76. I'm so welcoming the weather cool-down. Not thrilled about the snow that will come faster than we all want, but you can't have everything you want. I'll just be thankful for the cool down. My favorite kind of weather is the kind where I can wear jeans and a tshirt or sweatshirt outside and be totally comfortable. :)

I rode in the Corn Fest parade today, it was awesome! I rode in Spike's truck. I said they should have had someone stand in front of the truck because Mr. Sturtevant was driving Engine 2 (Spike's dad) and Spike was in the passenger side. Fyi Spike's real name is Eric but no one calls him that. He kept looking back at me and smiling, it was adorable. Too bad he is only 18. Lil boy. Still a kid.

I'm going to head to bed. My sunburn is exhausting. My face is blistering and my neck is scorched along with my calves on down, and my elbows down. That should earn me an interesting reaction at work tomorrow. Shit. Work. I don't wanna.

The beginning of another looooong season

Bowling started today on the Wednesday Morning Ladies league. I meant to enter as a substitute but ended up full-time because there were two other girls without teams hoping to get on one and I said, eh, what the hell?! One girl on my team bowled a 199 her first game! She said her average is usually around 180 or so. Her name is Sara. The other gal, Ingrid, is a decent bowling. By decent I mean not bad, not great, but definitely good. She throws a straight while Sara and I throw a hook. Watching Ingrid bowls reminds me of my friend Cat because she sticks her but out when she reaches after releasing the ball. It's very cute lol. I suppose you all want to know how I bowled today. I did really well and I'm regretting it! I bowled a 171, 179, and 162 for a starting average of 170! YIKES! That's not good. You're sposta bowl LOW on the first few weeks, now really well! Shit! Oh well. Can't do much about it now...and it's not like you can bowl bad on purpose, it's against the USBC rules and you can get kicked out for life for pulling shit like that! The league I'm on now is great but I really really miss the afternoon league and I liked that one better. I can't wait until I can get on first shift, or at least 10-6...so that adjusting my hours on Wednesday afternoon for bowling, won't be such a stretch. Hopefully in the next couple of years that can happen for me. Second has its perks, but it also really sucks.

Here alone again tonight...Doreen has off this week. Dani had off yesterday so it was just Brandon and me closing things out. Well...mostly just me. He left at 5 and then it was all on my shoulders. Pisser. I had some problems with the network of course, because I had no one else there with me, but I figured it out because I'm fairly computer oriented and it wasn't a complete disaster. I straightened everything out and only got yelled at about one thing when I got in this afternoon. I get to work 10-6 tomorrow and Friday so that will be nice. Family usually eats out on Friday so maybe this week I can join them. That will be a nice change. Alright break time is over. I will blog again soon about the fair this past Monday with Cat! Peace!

Cheerful news!

My Aunt Dorothy is preggers! YAAAAAY! It was funny how they brought it up. We were laughing about something or other and she snuck in there while we were all still laughing, as a side note, "this seems as good a time as any to tell you we are going to have a baby." WHAT?! OMFG! I practically jumped over the freakin table to give her the best, biggest hug I've ever given her, then of course hugged Pete as well. After all...he's the fertilizer HAHA! This news was excellent timing as I've been in a funk lately and it was really really fantastic news and a change in scenary if you will. Very happy to hear the news. Pete loves those kids to death as if they really were his own, but how wonderful for him to have a child that is truly his. It's absolutely brilliant news. Dorothy was glowing from the time we showed up and I new something was up...and I half wondered because the way she and Pete have been with Evan has had me wondering if they were thinking about having a child together.

On another good note, I got to talk to Cat today, finally. Even better, I may get to see her in a day or two. What a good day that will be. She may come down for a day to walk around the fair with me, and if she comes Monday, it would be cool to see the demo derby with her. I love the demo derby and she hasn't seen one in a long time so that sounds like the day we'll will be going, if at all. I can't tell you how happy I would be to feel her arms around me and to just walk around with her. Some time with Cat to myself. Not that any other time with her isn't just as wonderful, but I do cherish some alone time with her, it is special to me. Cat is one of my happy places and any time with her is good time. So-hopefully we can cruise the fair together.

As for tomorrow, I need to get up a tad earlier than usual. Mom is workin the fair at 9 and I have church at 9:30...so I'm dropping her off and cruisin to church...then after that goin home. Dad, Mat, and Annie will be going to Rob & Jill's on time, but as mom won't be getting off from the fair until noon, I'm picking her up in the yellow car and we will go straight from there. I get to drive yellow car! I don't know why I am so thrilled to drive it...maybe because for the longest time I had wanted a two door cavalier. I hate this one, and it's screaming yellow and I hate that...but maybe it's just nice to drive a different car once in a while. 'Specially a somewhat sporty lookin one with the sunroof open, sunglasses on, and hair flyin in the wind. Heehee. I'm a goof. Hopefully this isn't my happy peak. I'm just looking forward to our weekend plans, and even better that I may get to see most of my closest loved ones in the same weekend: Pete & Dorothy and the clan, Jill & Rob, Paul VanAntwerp, and maybe Cat! Cool. It's good to have something to look forward to because it helps to keep the mind on a positive track. Nice to have a little longer break from work as well. I'm happy about that. Plus...when we DO go back to work, it will be dead, and without overtime. Doreen has off so I may be able to finagle away to work earlier in the day so I'm not on second shift by myself. That would be very cool. Maybe he will let me do 10-6. That would be nice. I will get up and call Tim at 8 on Tuesday and find out.

Talk to everyone soon. Things are lookin up for me finally! We'll see if it will last! I'm very hopeful.

What's goin on with me

It's about 1:40am. I tried to fall asleep for like three hours so here I am listening to some soft slow music hoping I'll sleep in the chair because the bed certainly isn't doin it for me. I decided that maybe blogging would help me sleep better. I might have too many things in my head. It's been a very long, bad week for me.

First, I'll spare the details because I don't want to talk about it, but I broke someone's heart and I haven't done that before. So...while it was hard on him, it was most definitely hard on me, too. I'm not used to hurting people. I keep thinking about him and I do miss him but he's not for me. And though it's not the reason I called it off with him, I'm realizing more and more how much I want to be with Mike. I'm listening to Jessica Simpson's "I Wanna Love You Forever" just because I loved that song when it came out. I remember the first time I heard it. I was in middle school, pre-teeney bopper. So...I have an even better excuse to still listen to it. It was my pre-Me era, if I had such a thing. The words are making me think of him so much:

You set my soul at ease/chased darkness out of view/left your desperate spell on me/say you feel it too, i know you do/I've got so much more to give/this can't die, I yearn to live/pour yourself all over me/and I'll cherish every drop here on my knees

I wanna love you forever/and this is all I'm asking of you/ten thousand lifetimes together/is that so much for you to do/cuz from the moment that I saw your face/and felt the fire or your sweet embrace/I swear I knew...I wanna love you forever

My mind fails to understand/what my heart tells me to do/and I'd give up all I have just to be with you/and that would do/I've always been taught to win/and I never thought I'd fall/be at the mercy of a man/I've never been, now I only want to be right where you are

In my life I've learned that heaven never waits/let's take this now before it's gone/like yesterday/cuz when I'm with you there's nowhere else that I would ever wanna be/I'm breathing for the next second I can feel you/loving me/I'm gonna love...

So I guess this is me, still waiting. This is me, wishing for just one moment together so that I can tell you one thing, Mike. I want you to see it like I'm seeing it, because then you would understand and then you wouldn't walk away from me. It could be so brilliant if you only let it in. What are you afraid of?

Now that I've gotten that off of my chest, now for the long week. I've been on 12's like you wouldn't believe and it's so hard to find enough time for yourself to think good thoughts. I feel like I have to schedule time for myself to just think good thoughts because the bad or unpleasant ones come whether you have time for them or not. I feel so freakin lonely lately. Also, I hate that I wasted so much time in college. I hate that because now I'm payin for it in other ways. I'm not completely overwhelmed with studen loan payments that I can't afford all of my bills...I can,...but that's about it. I went to pick up my sister from work with mom. I drove, she wanted me to give her a bit of a refresher course on driving manually. On the way back from picking up Andrea, I went into Delavan because I need a new pillow, BADLY. Mom and Annie waited in the car for me. I found a pillow that was amazing, for like seven dollars...then I ran and grabbed a $4.50 Henley to contribute to the outfit we got for Evan's birthday...then I grabbed a Mountain Dew out of the cooler and checked out. I had my last $15 in my pocket until I get paid NEXT Friday. Stupid pillow rang up at $10.96...making the total $17.99. WTF?! I said I wanted a price check on the pillow and she told me she was too busy so I said fine. Fuck the goddamn pillow, take it off and I'll leave you to your other precious customers. I paid my $6 or so for the soda and shirt...and walked out. I cried the whole way home just because I couldn't pay for a fucking pillow. I'm getting teared up just thinking about it right now for some reason. It's just a fucking pillow. Why can't I afford a fucking pillow? And why am I crying over it? And how am I going to get to work and back next week with less than a quarter tank of gas? How am I going to feel when no one shows up for the surprise party I'm throwing mom and dad? I'm doing the planning all by myself because no one wants to help, I'm buying the cake and the balloon's...the brats and hot dogs, plates and cups, soda and ice...it adds up. I have this huge feeling that this insane amount of time I'm spending on these 52 invitations is going to be in vein because no one will show up for this party for my parents and it will all have been for nothing. No one will show up and no one will recognize the gesture I'm trying to make, no one will even bother to notice. What's worse is I have hardly slept all week. It's not like I haven't been tired enough. It's not that...I just can't fall asleep. I've worked so hard this week I'm tuckered out by the time I get in my car to go home, but somehow can't fall asleep. There are so many things I need to do to get ready for this damn party that no one will show up to and worked so hard on...how do you not throw a party or your parents when they are both turning 40 within two months of each other? My luck, I won't even be able to get them to the park to their own party because I can't come up with a good story to get them there at 11 because we usually don't play volleyball until 1:30. Thing is...we can't do the whole afternoon thing because we having bowling at 5. That means we need like two hours to clean up...hence the 11am start time. The real clencher? I don't get out of church until fucking quarter to 11. Brilliant. I may have to skip AGAIN. Maria is going to disown me, and next year when I get around to taking the classes and shit, she won't wanna be my sponsor for everything and getting baptized and all that...FUCK John Legend is not doing it for me right now....

It seems I've let myself down. I haven't been doing a good job of taking care of myself because I'm too worried about everything else. Maybe I'm just upset because I invited like five friends for a cookout and bonfire and while I was at work, everyone bagged out on me. Lonely. Then there was the stupid pillow thing...I know I planned on calling you tonight, Cat...but I was not in the mood. I was too busy trying to calm down and relax. It wasn't a soft cry, it was the can't-catch-your-breath kind, worked-up, kind. I needed someone stroking my hair or holding my face something but I'm so LONELY. Great friends. They expect me to show up to the things they plan...but when I try and get something together, no one shows. Real nice, guys. I really need you now, something to hold onto and give me a false idea that maybe I'm not lonely...and you fuck up majorly. That is the biggest let down ever, the worst feeling. Making plans, but having everyone back out of them. It happens to me all of the time. Here I go all worked up again, I'm out. I'll try and call you in the morning or something, Cat. I love you, and I would love to hear your voice. Goodnight everyone.

Wooo!

Guess what...I get to go home early tonight! Everyone at work gets to work six hours but get paid for eight today! How awesome is that?! It means that I can call Cat and catch up...it means Stephanie is coming over to grill out. It's only fair, I ate at her parents' house last weekend! Also, my friend Kendra might come over to grill out, too. She posted a bulletin on myspace about wanting to do something, but that she had no plans. So...I invited her over and we will see if she wants to. I have the suspicion she's just trying to keep herself busy at this point. He lost her mother to an evasive cancer of some sort, a week or two ago. So...we're hanging out. I just hope that our family setting here doesn't upset her and remind her of her mother too much to stay and try to have some fun.

Currently listening to Eminem's Toy Soldier. Really great song. He's a pretty amazing lyricist, and he is the KING of multisyllabic rhymes. It amazes me. I'm not always in the mood for him but I will never deny his talent!

Zoey says hello! She's beautifully perched in my lap...just sittin there, swinging her tail...tolerating my occassional stroke. I love my Zoey. Oh...now she's sitting in my window, looking all pretty and graceful. Awwwwww.

I'm absolutely thrilled about this next month. I'm going to TWO Brewer's games. One with the family on the 15th and one with Stephanie on the 29th. Also...this weekend is a party for Evan's first birthday which was a couple of days ago...and also a baptism. It looks like the baptism is at the house...so then I'm lead to wonder if their friend, Paul, is doing the service. He's recently become a minister or is still in school for it or something...anyway, this guy is great. He's really awesome, and smart, and he's so proud of his 2 year old son, Elliot..and he's fun to drink with (not that I've done it legally yet...). He and his wife used to live in Minneapolis and when Jill and Rob came up to see me, they stayed at their house and welcomed me into their lives with wide open arms. Paul and Kathy also drove me home for Thanksgiving while I was up at school. I had no way of getting home because Pete and Dorothy weren't going for some reason. Jill told me about Paul and told him I needed a ride home otherwise I'd be stuck in the streets as the close the dorm down for certain holidays...Thanksgiving was one of them.....(that was the biggest run-on sentence ever haha). So...they gave me a ride home because they were heading south and 14 was close enough to my home, and easy enough for them to get to their final destination....Paul drove, Kathy, who was preggers at the time, gave up the front seat and I complained about it the whole way. Why on earth would a pregnant woman give up her shotgun seat, to sit in the back, crammed, and very uncomfortable from the pregnancy....whatever. Goofy people. I'm getting off topic...which is Evan's party thing. On top of seeing Paul, I get to see Pete and Dorothy and the munchkins! OMG...it just hit me that Rick and Kathy are probably going to be there, too. DAMN!

Alright...I have stuff to do, enough of being a bum. Until I have more to write, keep me in your thoughts. Feeling very lonely these days. Much love to everyone.

7 Pointers to lift a bad mood

I pulled this off of Yahoo today and thought that a lot of people can benefit from this, and if not it is because they already know about it! Enjoy!


Dr. Mao's Secrets of Longevity

Going Up! 7 Pointers to Lift a Bad Mood
Posted by Dr. Maoshing Ni
on Mon, Aug 27, 2007, 10:16 pm PDT

No one can live a long and healthy life without the will to go on; sometimes mood swings can make us feel that life is too much for us.

A bad mood not only gives you a gloomy outlook, it also lowers your immune function, leading the way to illness. Here are some suggestions to lift your mood, your spirit, and your health.

1. A Laughing Matter
"Laugh Therapy," pioneered by Norman Cousins, has turned out to have real substance. Research has discovered that laughter and joy boost immune functions, especially the production of the natural killer cells that help defend the body from illness and cancer.
Laughter also increases the release of endorphins - compounds that give you a sense of well-being - in your brain. Without a doubt, joyful people liver longer and healthier lives. So read your favorite comics, watch your favorite comedies, and laugh it up!

2. Amino Acid for Restored Mindset
When an imbalance or deficiency is creating a bad mood, the Europeans use supplements of a natural compound found in human cells to regulate mood and restore a healthy mindset. SAMe (S-adenosyl-L-methionine) is produced from methionine, an amino acid that plays a role in the production of uplifting neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine.
One study indicated that SAMe worked on patients who had unsuccessful results with conventional antidepressants. To get a boost from SAMe, take a supplement combining it with vitamins B6 and B12.

3. Hands-On Healing
Human touch increases the production of endorphins, growth hormone, and DHEA, all of which lengthen your life span and lower the negative impact of stress. Studies have found that patients who are regularly touched recover faster than those who are not touched. So give someone a hug and feel both of your moods improve.

4. Boost Your "Youth Hormones"
You don't need pills to flood your body with a rejuvenating flood of growth hormones. Research has found that doing squats and leg presses will greatly increase your natural production of the "youth hormone". Increased growth hormone translates to an elevated mood, among other physical benefits. Keep it up with weight training, knee bends, push-ups, and rowing.

5. Take a Bracing Breath
Breathing correctly is important for dispelling the toxins and wastes from your body; in fact, it is estimated that we expel only about 30 percent of toxins in our bodies through the bowels and bladder-the rest is all respiratory. Breathing is also a great way to clear your mind, boost your energy, and improve your mood. Practice deep, slow, rhythmic, breathing daily with mind-body disciplines such as tai chi, yoga, qigong, and meditation.

6. Smell the Joy
Research has shown that smell has a definite impact on our bodies and minds. When you stimulate the olfactory nerves inside your nose, you activate the limbic system of your brain, which is associated with moods and memory. This concept is instrumental to aromatherapy, a natural health tradition that makes use of the healing powers of plants with strong scents.
Aromatherapy recommends treating depression with jasmine, eucalyptus for exhilaration, and grapefruit to increase alertness and joy. Just put a dab of the essential oils from these plants on your temples, back of your neck, or acupressure points. Another option? Boil the herb in water and inhale the steam through your nose.

7. Feel Fine with Flowers
There is a reason that flowers are the traditional get-well gesture. Colorful flowers have a powerful influence on moods; they can uplift a patient's mood and even combat stress. One study found that during a five-minute typing assignment, people sitting next to a flowering bouquet were more relaxed than those who sat near foliage-only plants.

I hope these tips help the good feelings flow! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me. May you live long, live strong, and live happy!-Dr. Mao
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Heavy sighing from the Rin-baby

I feel lonely. I have Stephanie that I can hang out with all the time and everything, but all of my good friends are nowhere near where I am, and they have their own lives that I'm not so much a part of anymore. Beth is in Omaha and will not let me see her. Randee is three hours away and it's not like I can just take off any time I want to go and see her. Then there's Leanne, who is in town, but an incredibly busy person, that I have to see while she's at work at the bowling alley or at the ballpark. She's got her own family, her own thing goin on. Then there's my Minnesota second family. They're even farther than Randee, and it's even harder to make it up to see them than it is to see Randee. Jim and Cat are only an hour away but they're so freakin busy bein an awesome couple and having jobs and school and photo shoots...and then I find myself getting jealous when I hear about them going to Pete and Dorothy's for random weekends because I used to have the privelege to be a part of that wonderful bond industrial strength friendship thing they have goin on and from my own decision to come back home instead of stay in school up there, I get to hear about it instead of be a part of it anymore. It's hard because I miss that so freakin much. So, I don't really have a right to feel the jealousy or to miss it, because it is the affect of my own decisions, but I feel it anyway. I used to be this special thing in their group, like they all were a special piece to the gang. They still all have their soft spots for their dearest Rinner, but it just isn't the same. I'm not in the gang anymore. The first time that realization hit me it came crashing into me like a Mack truck, when we were at the Wilderness in February. I can't say I regret my decision to come back home because to regret something is to say you didn't learn something from it. But that doesn't mean I am not constantly wondering why I made the decision, why I didn't stick it out regardless of knowing I'd have been a full-time student, overcoming the most emotional obstacle I've ever endured, while still having a job and trying to find enough money to stay in school-all at the same time. I don't think I had it in me. I wonder on a daily basis what it would be like for me now, if I were still there, if I had stayed. I can't help but literally, physically weap, sob, cry, whatever you want to call it, over how good it would still be even now. It's an emotional pain I still carry with me and a decision I question all the time. I want it back so that I could stick i out, but hindsight is always 20/20. It always makes the right decisions, it always laughs and smiles and feels happy and loved. But, it is not forgiving. It is not erased, and it is not redone. I get to live with this the rest of my life, wanting where I would have ended up, so much more than where I am now. They say money makes you happy because you can have the things you want for your life. But now, I have money and I want back the days in Minnesota, when I didn't have money. I'd take it all back. I'd take the struggling student life back again in a heartbeat. I'd mold myself into that writer, or that musician...or that teacher, or that business woman, or that accountant. I love LOVE to learn. I love school. I can't go back now to any kind of schooling until my loans are paid off because they will not redefer. So I am feeling the affects of my decision, daily. Every cup of coffee reminds me of weekends at Pete and Dorothy's when I brought all of my books to study and do homework, while they'd pop in to refill my coffee cup without my asking. Every time I see someone playing frisbee reminds me of how my roommates and I would walk down to the grassy area by the river to throw it around. Every single fucking time I play volleyball it reminds me of playin in the afternoons in the quad witha nyone who wanted to play...usually it was the outgoing guys from our floor of the dorm, with their shirts off, bein goofy talkin smack, and then wrestling us to the ground just to hear us laugh. I remember running to Chipotle in the rain two blocks away, wrapped like burritos in bedsheets, just to get free burritos on Tuesdays. I remember Lesbian Thursday's, and goin to club Spin, and Spring Jam, and walking back from Italian with Marco...I remember stopping at the corner convenience store almost every day after Italian to get some juice or crackers or Lunchables or chips...or soup or something. I remember lugging three full laundry baskets at once up and down three flights of stairs with a backpack on my back full of papers for my English comp. class, and a few bank Yahzee sheets and my ipod. I remember the squish squash sound of the flip flips after we got out of the shower because we didn't dare shower without them. I remember dinner at 5 sharp with Al and Mal and Myatta, even though we complained about the food every day. I remember choosing our table carefully so we could watch everyone that came in to eat, as we had names and fake life commentaries for the people we recognized and nick named....Like Chip N Dales dancer, Serial killer, Frisbee God, etc. I miss walking back to class wondering if Cat was waiting for me online...I liked getting cd's and care packages in the mail from her. I lived for those days. I lived too, for the weekends they'd be up when I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I'd play silly yard games with my cousins and then they'd go to bed eventually and I got to sit up with Jim and Cat, and my aunt and uncle and be an adult and smoke stoggies and drink cosmos and homebrew and red wine. At some point in the night I'd go lay under the stars, or someone would rub my shoulders, or I would get to hold Cat from behind and whisper that I wish I could hold her like that forever. Back then I thought those days would last forever, but maybe even through that I was scared to admit that I REALLY knew that they wouldn't last forever. I remember my first real hug I gave Cat, on the weekend she came without Jim to go to the Ren Fair with us...I remember leaning my head on her shoulder that weekend and it was almost as if I could feel through her skin how touched she was by that. Now she's just used to it from me. I remember crying in the parking lot of San Pedro's on another weekend when we had to say goodbye and she held me and that was the first time of many that she whispered as she stroked my hair "It's okay, I gotcha, breathe..." We carved pumpkings in the front yard that weekend. I remember Dorothy asking me to go grocery shopping with her sometimes and knowing that if I said no she'd guilt me into saying yes, and then she'd buy me stuff and I didn't know how to thank her. I remember how I said after every mean she served me, "thank you. It is very good." I remember the weekend the kids and Pete were gone and it was just her and me. I went to dinner with her and a friend of hers for sushi and she asked me to drive because she wanted to drink more wine. I remember that night watching Oprah with her in the dark while I laid my head in her lap because she wanted to run her fingers through my hair. I remember how she answered the phone for me when I was in the bathroom because it was Beth and she knew how much I loved talking to her and that it was a weekend event for me. I remember all the restaurants they took me to...all the visits to the apple orchard, all the trips to Target, all the times Dorothy had relatives up for the weekend and begged me to be there because it somehow made her less stressed about the whole thing...I remember the couple of times she sent me howlers, and I remember how she talked me into my first therapist. I remember my Freshman Comp. class being my favorite because I absolutely loved my teacher and I can't imagine having taken it with anyone else...and I remember taking Poetry 1 and 2 because she was teaching them. I remember that I was her favorite student she's ever had because she said she loved the light in my eyes and my passion for learning, and that I didn't expect an A because that' what I've always gotten, that I went to class every day expecting to work for it. I remember her telling me she cried when she read my final paper because I had come so far and worked so hard that it made her feel like a success as a teacher. I remember how she tried to cover the fact that she was crying when I told her I was pregnant, and leaving school...then she treated me to lunch. I still talk to her by the way....I remember taking the 16 to Nicolett Mall in downtown Minneapolis to go to the Target there or the movie theatre. I remember taking my bike across the Mississippi bridge to get to the West Bank for my maps and geography class. I remember the excessive notes I took, and that I was brilliant at the subject due to my math skills, but that I hated it, for the very reason that it was math oriented and I hate math. I remember the crunching of the leaves in fall when I rode my bike on the other side of the bridge on the way back. I remember the day someone stole my bike even though it didn't have a seat because I took it off and took it with me when I locked it up. I remember everything as if I'm still in those days. I want them back and I miss the people that meant the most to me in those days. My aunt and uncle, my cousins, and Jim and Cat. I miss them even though I can talk to them whenever I want. I miss being such an active part of their lives. They're still the people that mean the most to me, but it will never be like it was then. And I can't have those days back, so in missing it as much as I do, I'm feeling more lonely every day. The writing of this blog is mostly for myself, and so I don't mind, or even care, that people who read this, will most likely read the beginning, then skip to the end to read this bit, and my close. I miss those days painfully, and I miss the feelings I had back then. Take me back to the days where class was more important than sleep and food. I'd take those days back any day.